I was Wrong
I WAS WRONG. So many things I believed about myself, turns out I was completely wrong. I BELIEVED These as facts for the past 20 years.
1). I am a bad sleeper, I wake up 6-8 times a night, totally light sleeper and I need to stay in bed 10-12 hours to try to get 6 hours of sleep since I am up so much.
2) I am hot blooded, I am always hot. I can’t wear sweaters and would never sleep in pajamas since I sweat all the time. I burn up even in the winter.
3) I am nervous. I am anxious. I have a hard time speaking in public when its not just teaching yoga. I get cloudy and nervous and it doesn’t come out smooth, i get lost in my words.
4) I have a slow metabolism and bad digestion. I need to workout all the time to stay in shape.
5) I have an underlying depression that is always just under the surface. My mom was always depressed I am sure I got it from her. It is just in my brain chemistry to be slightly low, needing stimulation or yoga to lift me out. Sometimes I am morbidly depressed because of my DNA, it’s just who I am.
6) I don’t like too much responsibility. I like to be light so I can move, shift, do something different if I need to.
7) I am a busy body. I like to make plans with lots of people and have a full schedule of activities to occupy me. I don’t like to idle, I am not interested in “chilling out.”
8) When it comes to career I am not sure if I am doing what I am supposed to do, I am constantly second guessing myself and my direction. I don’t think I am on the right track, seems like a took a wrong turn back there somewhere. I feel kinda lost in my own life.
THEN I QUIT DRINKING AND FOUND OUT THIS!
1) I am a great sleeper, I wake up maybe once or twice and feel happy and sweet and go right back to sleep. 2) I am cool blooded, I am comfortable in most temperatures. I love to wrap up in blankets, and wear pjs, and take warm baths, I actually get cold sometimes in a normal temp room and I think “who am I??”
3) I am not nervous or afraid of anything! I am clear and confident. I have the “I GOT THIS” attitude that I always admired in others when doing my “thing”. I speak clearly and make relevant points. I feel like my words are powerful and move mountains for GOODNESS sake.
4) I have a strong metabolism and I can eat what I want. I don’t have to workout for workout sake, I can run or walk or whatever just because It feel good.
5) I am not depressed AT ALL. I am so happy. So so so happy.
6) I don’t mind responsibly. I like ownership and take pride in taking care of my family, home, car.
7) I love time alone. I love having no plans, I love hanging out.
8) I am on a sure path. I know my purpose. I am exactly where I need to be, doing what I need to do.
Who am I? I am finding out. Out from under the cover of alcohol. I am Uncovering myself. I am in recovery. Out of the darkness of addiction into the light of sobriety. The mirror is clearer now.