Raven

Drinking Diaries

The Middle Path

Well, if it comes to making money, or working out or drinking water or something to and become an “opportunist”. (this is the kind of thinking that got me into this mess). The Middle Path means Middle Fucking Path, no matter what it is NICOLE, even if it’s free of charge, free of calories, or no one is looking. My problem is that I thought more was better. So, if there was an opportunity to work-out more, earn more, travel more, do more, anything with “more” attached to it then I was IN for MORE of that. “Wait” you say, there is some things you should do more of.

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it's working.

it’s working. this sober life. that i worried would be a BUZZZZ kill. it’s delightful really. i thought i would be bored. anxious, nervous, uncomfortable, itching for a cold beverage or a smooth red, but nah…. not at all. those feelings that i worried that i would have were actually what i was dealing with WITH the drinking life. I was bored, so I drank, I was anxious so I drank, I was nervous, so I drank, I was uncomfortable, so I drank, I was itching for a something, I never thought i wouldn’t.

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drinking diaries: I had it good.

I was married to the prince. taught yoga, did yoga, had a precious son, dog, cat, sweet condo, fine car, social life, pretty clothes, healthy body, great schedule, vacations, time alone, time with my peps, money to save, money to blow. i had it good, some would say good enough, maybe great. but it wasn’t. It was fine….from the outside it was fantastic. but on the inside it felt coldish, empty at times, dark in here because i drank too often and for no good reason. I thought drinking was fine, good, acceptable and for all practical purposes, it was.

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Drinking Diaries: Valentines Day

Last year Valentines Day was on a Sunday, so it was a year ago today I guess. I felt this thing I hadn’t felt this strongly in a long time, probably hadn’t since I was young and fragile, when i was raw and vulnerable. I felt “left out”. So, I had only been sober a month, not even, and a huge group of my friends were going to brunch and they didn’t invite me because I didn’t drink anymore. I saw all of them before, like right before, we all did yoga together and after they all got their lipgloss on and threw on a pink scarf and headed out to brunch. I was ok.

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Drinking Diaries: I lost 3 friends.

In 1 year. I lost 3 friends. I gained 8 pounds. I lost a vivacious social life. I gained 365 good nights of solid sleep, and gained 365 fresh, spry happy MORNINGS. I lost my old insecure, unworthy self talk. I gained $20-$60 day (5 days a week) around $200 a week, $600-$800 month for 12 months is about $8400. I gained $8400! I lost hangovers of all kind, subtle or gross (really gross). I gained, and enjoy it, double the work capacity, so 50% more output. ($ not sure how much money that translates to). I lost boredom. I gained a new house, car and puppy. I lost boredom.

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Drinking diaries: I need it to quiet the crazy

drinking diaries: I need it to quiet the crazy. I need something that shuts my mind off…….you hear me, i highly function and produce, i work a lot and what I do is important and very stressful so I just drink when i get home to shut that shit down. get a break from it, ya know, that’s normal. it is the only way. this was me. is this you? hear this. Drinking alcohol to calm the nerves/stress/mind is like bending (with your bare hands) the water hose to stop the water from moving through.

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"Wasted" what a word!

Wasted was the time I spend trying to feel good again after being "wasted".

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Going powerfully "down"

Sometime we are going powerfully “down” or the wrong direction. Since we have so much power and speed going that direction it take a Warriors Heart to see, slow, sttttoooopppppp, whewwww, and turn around, turn yourself around and start going up, this new direction, slow, faster, faster, the direction of your soul, your purpose Finally……. Go!

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Drinking Diaries: The Question

Is the pleasure of drinking worth the suffering it causes? Yes. If it is. Only you know. I couldn’t deny, at some point, that the amount of perceived pleasure I thought I was receiving wasn’t worth the damage, the suffering I experienced later. And I am not talking about a physical sickness, but just a sadness, a tiredness, the hassle factor that seemed to be greater depending on the amount consumed. The scales weren’t level anymore. The fun wasn’t a sure thing. The drinks weren’t necessary packing the punch I was later paying (“paining” ) for.

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The Break Up

QUITTING DRINKING IS LIKE BREAKING UP WITH A LOVER. This guy is sexy, fun, silly, brings out something you love about you, exciting, crazy, eager to do shit, sometimes he is seems really interested in what you are saying, doing Etc.

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